St Jude's Day

Nobody in England had heard of St Jude's Day until a few days ago when the forecasters delightedly told us that today, the Storm Day is also the day of Lost Causes. I'm paying more attention to saints and holy days, particularly as this was the first time I remember weather warnings resulting in preemptive action. The storm that blew in on schedule struck down the morning rush hour.
I remained at home with my coffee van listening to the silence being broken by the wind. No trains ran. First they said 8am, then 9am and then 11am. The train lines were blocked by trees and so it became a 'working from home' day.
The storm eventually blew away, leaving a path of broken trees and broken power lines. "It could've been worse", said the Media, reporting the deaths of five people, the unlucky ones. The storm is continuing it's path of destruction, losing energy along the way, but still killing where it can.
It's been a strange day with people remaining indoors, few cars moving on the roads. I'd been looking at solar technology, but now I wonder now how I can harness wind power.

Today I've been reading about "Relational Aggression" after reading an article on sexist retro vintage advertising, which made me reflect on the responsibility of women in patriarchy. This is a hard subject to raise in Public. It's easier to blame men for sexism, but who has examined the role of women in this power structure? A Google search for articles on "relational" or "social" aggression, showed there is very little research on this subject. Strange, if you also look up workplace bullying, there is a lot of feedback online first hand and anecdotal about a pattern and style adopted by female managers who use emotional bullying techniques to maintain power.

Strangely, one or two articles claimed that the "Queen Bee" Mean Girl bullying behavior has evolved as a means to achieve power, but the implication is that those women who use at are higher up the evolution tree, an unpleasant conclusion. The Queen Bee targets victims who threaten their social standing by employing a combination of rumor, derogatory facial and body language along with freezing out and other bullying tactics. Who hasn't witnessed the Queen Bee drama? Why does the Media choose to perpetuate the Queen Bee in popular media? Madonna, Rihanna and the Spice Girls are all Queen Bees. Couldn't another type of woman help sell newspapers or bring hits to websites? Why are the Queen Bees described as feminist? The world today seems to be full of newspeak, full of opposite meanings. Women will one day gain social status from their minds, ideas and intuition. Surely the desperate housewife is boring.

I'm putting up a new Polite Notice this week, it's about time, and I've delayed this response as long as I could, two years of constant quizzing has been grinding me down as the questioning has reached a new peak. More on that next time.

Weekend Retreat

Do I feel happier when it's hot or sadder when it's cold? I've been asked this question a lot during this heat wave. (And during the cold snap, I'm asked how I'm coping with the freezing conditions.)

Here's the thing, I'm working I'm not on holiday, so the weather is like my office or my working conditions.  I don't feel emotional about the weather unless I'm not prepared.
The other truth is that there is already an assumption behind this line of questioning, which is why when I say I don't care about the hot weather, or mention it's challenges, people frown. It's not the correct answer, neither is enjoying cold weather. #The assumption is that my job is really bad when it's cold or raining and only good when it's hot and sunny.

The hot weather has meant greater delays doing errands, and I'm averse to public drunkeness in a way that makes me quintessentially un-British and much more European. As a result I've been enforcing my own personal curfew and avoiding spending time in crowded busy areas, because even though it's hot and sunny, at the end of the week I still feel the need to read, reflect and generally seek out connections between myself and the world

This weekend I watched a lot of drama...

I saw Channel 4's four-part series called "Run", set on an estate, that left me feeling irritated by the dull, flat female characters. They were cheerless, oppressed, victim/perpetrator and from the depressed rubbish mother, the Chinese immigrant selling DVD's to pay for her journey to the UK and the Polish cleaner who didn't notice that her boyfriend was missing. None of the female character displayed any warmth, courage, humour or intelligence.  This is a highly praised series, that looks to be followed up by another. I call it a "slash your wrist" series, but unfortunately none of the characters did. What was the message and meaning behind it all was not clear to see, it was just a cesspit of unhappiness.

"Before Midnight" was another disappointment, coming after the first two which were delightful, romantic and full of hope. The final installment (please, there can't possibly be any more coming) showed the disappointing happy ending of True Love. Or like listening to your neighbours shouting at each other, and then pretending the next day not to have heard them as they smile and wave hello- the unsettling love between narcissists.

The shining star was "The Way We Were" and I fell in love with the characters Hubbell and Katie. I felt like I was Katie, loud with strong views and her love of beautiful Hubbell, played in the movie by a gorgeous Robert Redford.
When he tries to break it off, she says,
"Is it because I'm not attractive? I am attractive though, I know I am. Is it because I'm not attractive in the right way?"
The writing is wonderful, some of the action happened off camera, and there were abundant romantic images on the beach and bedroom that contrasted with their fighting that demonstrated their frustration that the marriage couldn't work.
"What's wrong with us? Why can't we just love each other?"
There are a few links missing, and I'm going to read the book and dig into the behind the scenes. There seems to have been a struggle between the screenwriters.

I strongly recommend "The Way We Were". Which reminds me that it's time to watch that 1981 movie "Reds" with Diane Keaton and Warren Beatty. Beautiful and I noticed there aren't many copies left, so probably time to buy the 25th Anniversary edition.

Approaching the Two Year Anniversary

My coffee business will be two years old in September, and as the month approaches I'm struck by the differences and similarities of my situation now compared with then. I had to stop writing at the beginning because I couldn't bear to share my misgivings, hopes and fears outside of myself.

Those first six months were a Herculean trial, I was standing in a desert of onlookers, who each day wondered if I would still be there the next day. Their remarks would burst out when they saw me.

"Oh you're still here then?"
"Can you afford to come here every day?"
"You didn't give up then?"

It was a test, as commuters walked by, and then eventually when I had a customer it was an instant pass or fail the test. Take the order, make the coffee, talk to customer, money, smile goodbye, next. I love how a customer today remarked my life is in blocks of 15minutes. No, less. Those few hours when I'm working stretch and contracted, and the rest of my life before and after was merely preparation for those few hours when I'm standing outside the station.

The first winter was the toughest, and I used to come home frozen and take hot baths to defrost. No one can know the hard way I came to learn how to dress to work outside. The second winter was better, but I still couldn't find the right clothes, and I've decided to buy some dress patterns and material to make my own winter clothes for the third winter.

I love my faithful and loyal customers. They are dear to me as they have been along this journey, and if I can find ways to repay their trust and the hope they pass to me, I will.

I have tried to listen to others, only the good ones, and I have built an armor against the negativity. I managed to pass the first test, to survive beyond the first 18months, but now growth is bringing it's own set of challenges. I have got momentum, and if I can't keep up with it, I risk falling down. And if I fall down now the cost will be greater then if I had fallen down at the beginning.